My wife tried to poison me with a candy bar.

When I was younger, a Nestle Crunch was the whole reason to behave at the grocery store.

My mom would hand me one at the register if I’d kept my mouth shut for 20 minutes. That rarely happened. So when it did, that candy bar was a trophy.

I hadn’t had one in probably 30 years.

Last week, my wife came home from the store and tossed one on the counter. She said, “You’re always talking about these. Here.”

I got excited. I peeled that wrapper back like it was Christmas morning.

Then I took a bite.

I Thought I’d Been Poisoned

Y’all, it tasted nothing like chocolate.

It tasted like somebody described chocolate to a chemist over the phone and he did his best.

The closest thing I can compare it to is chocolate-flavored antibacterial spray. Pure chemical. The rice crisps were the only part that tasted like food.

I looked at my wife and said, “What in the hell did you buy?”

She said, “A Nestle Crunch. Same as you asked for. Maybe it’s not the candy bar that changed.”

Smart a**.

Here’s what gets me. It’s not just the Crunch bar.

A while back I grabbed a Butterfinger for old time’s sake. Same deal. It doesn't taste anything like it used to.

I know, I know. Every old man says nothing is how it used to be.

But I’m not talking about the good old days. I’m talking about a candy bar. A recipe. They had it right for 50 years and then somebody with a spreadsheet decided to save a nickel.

Anyway, I threw the rest of it in the trash. My wife said I was being dramatic.

Then she tried a bite.

She spit it in the sink.

What’s something you loved as a kid that they’ve completely ruined?

Enjoy your Sunday!

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