I have never understood toilet mats.

Not once. Not even as a kid.

I remember being maybe seven years old at somebody's house, looking down at that little horseshoe-shaped rug hugging the base of the toilet, and thinking, "Why would anyone put carpet there?"

That's the one spot in the entire house where you'd think folks would want something they can wipe down. A hard surface. Something with a little dignity to it. Instead, somebody looked at the most-missed target in America and said, "You know what this needs? Fabric."

My wife has tried to explain it to me over the years. Something about it looking finished. Something about your feet being cold.

Put on socks. Problem solved. No rug required.

Anyway, I came across a picture this week that did not help my position one bit.

I stared at that picture for way longer than a grown man should stare at a bathroom floor. My only real question is this:

Was it that color when they bought it?

Because there are two possibilities here, and I don't like either one of them.

I showed it to my wife. She said "Oh, that's not good" and walked out of the room. That's the closest thing to a concession speech I've gotten out of that woman.

Here's what gets me though. I still see these things. All the time. Go to somebody's house for dinner, excuse yourself, and there it is. Waiting. Soaking up God knows what since the Reagan administration.

Does anybody wash these? I have never in my life heard a person say, "Hold on, I need to go throw the toilet mat in the wash.

So tell me. Are you a toilet mat person? And if you are, I need you to tell me the last time it saw the inside of a washing machine.

Enjoy your Sunday!

Killed By Embarrassment

Clearly, he was in the band on game day.

Still Got It: Bringing the Heat Back After 60

The world’s changed a hell of a lot since the ’60s, but love, romance, and real connection? That part never gets old.

Weight Limit Exceeded

But he still enjoyed himself.

This newsletter runs on coffee, sarcasm, and your generosity. If these weekly stories make you smile, please pledge a small monthly amount. You'll help keep the lights on. Most importantly, you will convince my wife that I’m not just hiding in my office, avoiding chores.

Increase Your Friends’ Quality of Life (Marginally)

If you like these emails, please tell a friend to sign up for the newsletter using this link. The more people that sign up, the less I have to pay to send you these emails. I appreciate you.