They Ran Me Off For Good

I need to tell you about a restaurant that outsmarted itself right out of my business.

There's a local chain near the house I've been going to for years. Good food, decent coffee, and most importantly… nobody bothers you. When I need to get out of the house and think straight, that's where I go. My wife is a wonderful woman and I love her dearly, but sometimes a man needs four walls that aren't his own.

I'd go in, order a full meal, tip well, maybe get a refill or two, and sit there working for a couple of hours. That was the routine. It worked for everybody involved.

Last week I walked in, got settled, pulled out my laptop, reached down for the outlet under the table…

Gone.

I checked the next table. Gone. Moved to the other side of the restaurant. Gone, gone, and gone.

Every outlet in the place had been replaced with a little decorative plate. Smooth, flush, and completely useless. Somebody measured those things, ordered them from somewhere, and paid somebody else to install them. This was not an accident. This was a decision made by a human being in a meeting.

I flagged down a young lady and asked her what happened to the outlets.

She smiled the smile of someone who has answered this question many times and said, "We removed them so the tables turn over faster."

I sat with that for a second.

"Ma'am," I said, "I've been coming here for years. I always order a full meal. I tip you people well. And someone decided the right move was to make sure I can't stay?"

She shrugged in a way that told me she agreed with me but wasn't about to say so at work.

Here's what kills me about this logic.

I was never the problem. A man eating a hot meal and working quietly for two hours is not a problem. You know what's a problem? An empty table. And that's exactly what they've got now, because I haven't been back since.

I told my buddy about it over the phone. He said, "Buck, they're trying to free up tables for more customers."

I said, "What more customers? I was the customer. I was there every week, reliable as rain, spending money every single time."

My wife, to her eternal credit, actually agreed with me on this one. She said it sounds like a solution to a problem they don't actually have. I told her that was exactly right and she gave me a look like she was surprised I understood it.

I'm not against businesses making smart decisions. I'm against businesses making dumb decisions and calling them smart. Somewhere, an executive looked at their numbers and decided loyal, regular customers who eat full meals are the enemy. So they quietly bricked up every outlet and figured nobody would notice or care.

I noticed. I cared. I left and I'm not going back.

You want to turn tables over faster? Make the food better. Hire friendlier staff. Give people a reason to come back instead of quietly showing them the door.

You ask me, they traded a sure thing for a theory. And the theory isn't working out for anybody.

Have you ever had a business do something so backward that it ran you off for good? Because I'd love to know I'm not the only one.

Enjoy your Sunday!

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