A machine asked me for a tip last week.

Wife and I were at the airport, killing time before our flight. I got a little hungry, so I wandered into one of those grab-and-go stores by the gate.

Bag of trail mix and a bottle of orange juice. Eight bucks. That's a crime all its own, but that's a story for another Sunday.

I walk up to pay. No employee. I look around. Still no employee. It was just me, a self-checkout kiosk, and a security camera.

So I scan my stuff, tap my card, and the screen lights up.

ADD A TIP? 18% — 20% — 25%

I stood there a good ten seconds.

Tip who? The machine? Am I tipping the camera? Is there a fella in the back I'm supposed to be thanking for watching me do his job?

I scanned it. I bagged it. I paid for it. Near as I can tell, I'm the only one who worked at that store.

So I hit "custom amount" and tried to put in a negative tip.

Figured if it's got the guts to ask, it can handle a counteroffer.

Well, the machine wouldn't take it. Just sat there blinking at me like I was speaking French. Wouldn't go below zero, no matter how many times I tried.

By the time I gave up, there were three people in line behind me.

My wife leaned over to me and said, "It's a purchase, not a negotiation."

I've made my peace with it, though. From here on out, every time one of these things asks me for a tip, I'm punching in a negative number. I know it won't take. That's not the point.

Since when did we start tipping machines?

Enjoy your Sunday!

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