My wife wants to keep our new TV remote in its plastic packaging forever.

I'm not kidding.

Last Saturday, I finally pulled the trigger on a new TV. Been eyeing it for months. The old one was on its last leg, and I figured it was time.

I spent the whole damn day setting it up. Mounted it on the wall, ran the cables behind the drywall, got the soundbar paired, the works. By the time evening rolled around, I was sweaty, dusty, and proud of myself.

There was just one thing left to do.

Turn the thing on.

So I grab the remote, ready to peel back that plastic and live my best life.

That's when my wife came flying around the corner like I was about to set the house on fire.

"Don't open it!"

I looked at her like she had two heads.

She told me, very seriously, that we needed to keep the remote IN the package. To keep it nice. To preserve it.

I stood there holding this remote, still in its little plastic prison, just staring at her.

I said, "Babe. How exactly do you plan on changing the channel?"

She said, "You can press the buttons through the plastic."

I told her that was one of the dumbest things I'd ever heard. And after 40 years of marriage, that's saying something.

But she didn't budge.

So I asked her, "Who exactly are we keeping this remote looking nice for? Are we expecting special guests?

I could picture it now. Important company coming over for dinner. My wife leaning over and whispering, "Honey, go grab the fine China and nice remote. We have guests."

She did not find that funny.

I told her keeping the remote pristine isn't going to preserve the TV's value. Nobody's buying a used TV in 10 years and saying, "Well, I was going to pass, but the remote is still in its original packaging. SOLD."

She told me to shut up and press the buttons through the plastic.

So that's where we are.

I have a brand new TV. And a remote in a condom. 

But hey, that remote is going to look beautiful when we sell the TV in 2034.

My wife is the smartest woman I know. But every now and then, she comes up with something like this and I'm completely lost.

You got someone in your life who does this? Saves things "for nice"? Keeps the plastic on the couch? Won't let anyone use the good towels?

Please tell me I'm not alone here.

Enjoy your Sunday!

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